he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
