We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Barsexuality is the new black.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
