i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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