if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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