My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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