I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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