clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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