i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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