so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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