dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
