Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize