new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
