I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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