but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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