god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
