38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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