So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
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You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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