I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
