A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
