I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
