The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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