I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
