I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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