Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
