Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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