I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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