your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
wow bdsm is so cute
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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