so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
