Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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