I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
