My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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