Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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