You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
