That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
