Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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