I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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