You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
