apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
