and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
