I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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