i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
