somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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