Sponge bath it is.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
