It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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