So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
