We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
