The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
