ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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