I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We are all done wearing pants today
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
