she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
