I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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