if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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