apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
