so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
