I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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