Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
