Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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