I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
