I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
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I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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