Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
