I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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