Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
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I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
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I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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