she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
