I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
