Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize