I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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