I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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