i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
