if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
