The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
