I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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