I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
