i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize