I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
